My confidence started to grow each day. I started to go out a little bit more and stopped caring what people might say. I just wanted to go out there and live my life, enjoy and celebrate my life.
I went to the gym more often for gentle exercises and occasional lunch at gym's restaurant. I also had a number of people approach me, wanting to talking to me including a woman who has been thru cancer journey herself over 10 years ago. It was amazing to hear her story and how much in details she actually remembered !
Ive tried to explore some of the other areas of life, like meditation, mindfulness, flipnosis , even went to the theatre on my own ! Actually I wanted to see Rhod Gilbert ( comedian) and my partner had plans so he could not go with me. I plucked up confidence and decided to go on my own. I thought I could do this. I was starving to learn new things and live life to the fullest...
Radiotherapy for me was a walk in the park in the beginning. I would go to the hospital each morning, they align your tattooed dots, blast you with a quick dose of radio and off you go. In less than 5 mins i was done! Towards the end I had a little problems with skin redness and discomfort whilst wearing prosthetic boob but this was not gonna stop me enjoying simple things in life, things I suppose I used to take for granted once upon a time! But fear of breast cancer coming back was always following me around. Fear was always one step behind me, following me everywhere I go and wouldn't let me forget.
I had my results of genetic testing by this time- it came back inconclusive but they did support prophylactic removal of my other breast. So I was booked for plastic surgery consultation to discuss my options. Those options seemed to be very limited to me.
My plastic surgery options
- I was told I could have reconstruction but not with implants as they needed more skin on the side where I had radiation treatment,
- I was too thin to have some stomach skin taken away and placed over my new boobs
- so the only option I was left with was to take a skin and muscle from my back (finally those love handles are put to good use !) and twist it around to make my new boob ! +/- implants depending on how big I wanted my new boobs to be !
This last option, my only option sounded too drastic to me. I didn't want more difficult surgery. I just wanted something that defines me as a woman but this ....this was too much. I had plenty of time to decide what to do as they can't do reconstruction until certain amount of the time had lapsed and until my skin and body had a chance to fully recover.
On 27th May was my radiotherapy graduation. I was so happy it was all over and my hair started to grow slowly as well :-) It was mainly grey but it was there at least !
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