February 2012

On 3rd Feb I was finally booked to see my nurse to have prosthetic breast fitted !

Yey finally it meant my "cotton boob" would not ride up half way up my shoulder any longer by the time I do our food shop ! I

You also have to remember the risk of lymphedema as well ! So avoid heavy lifting with an arm where you had your lymph nodes removed.

Very useful link on Lymphedema:

http://www.cancer.org/cancer/breastcancer/detailedguide/breast-cancer-after-lymphedema


 I' d have something a little bit heavier and breast like to fit into my bra and it would look more normal. 
I must admit I was a little self conscious when my friends would come and visit. I was aware that my little false cotton boob could move any time and end up in very unnatural, asymmetrical shape ! so not only that i had no hair and later eyebrows but had to watch the movements of my false boob too!

So I was fitted with this heavy more natural boob and it looked amazing with a clothes on. I felt normal again. I went on a shopping spree and bought loads of mastectomy bras with a pockets both online and at the retail shops like m&s. 

I even bought myself a swim wear as well ! I thought why not !

Cancer is such a horrible disease! It destroys every bit of the confidence you had before. It can make you feel like you no longer belong to the society you re living in. You feel like a total "freak" ! Your emotions are all over the place and on the top of everything treatment brings a lot of symptoms with it and its very difficult to adjust to it all. Treatment makes you irritable. One moment you d want your friends to come around and see you but the next you feel like asking them to leave as you either become tired or too irritable. I m glad I had a great friends who put up with me ! Even my family and Rufus had to deal with a lot from me.

Loosing hair, loosing eyebrows, eyelashes, loosing concentration, having to deal with mouth ulcers, eating..etc. All those things make you feel so abnormal. You loose yourself and your identity totally. Work is something that might define you as some people say. However now my job was too risky for me, for my life to do. I felt everything was being stripped away from me. On the top of everything id look at myself each morning in the mirror and see this weak and tired of it all person with one boob ! I tell you its not a pleasant site. Even after few months I still felt ashamed and embarrassed lying in my bed next to Rufus. I never wanted him to see me like this. Who would want me ? I didn't want me !