This is sort of a letter Ive written to myself early this year about my dear friends, people that surround me. I found it under notes on my computer ... I wasn't sure if I should post it or not but since its part of my journey....
(again some names have been changed but story remains the same)
Early 2014 made me think about life a lot. Whats life all about ? Why are we all here on this planet ? Why do we disapear either due to illness or die of natural old age ? I ve asked and discussed those questions with some of my very good friends. I wanted to know why things happen in life, why are we here for short or long amount of time? Why do we suffer so much? Why do some people stay in our lives for a long time and others leave?
I know that aside from my fantastic family who care about me there are many others who walked into my life for no apparent reason, unpredictably and stayed with me ever since than. So often I question why some people you meet stay and why do others leave? Is it because you make a little bit more effort with the once who stayed or is it something else.
What i ve realised is that each one of them who stayed with me posses a wonderful qualities and showed me human compassion and care in unimaginable sort of way.
Those are just some of the examples of that human compassion and care and there are many others not mentioned here ........
My friend Omar who has been my friend for years, keeps on looking for a new pioneering treatments that might cure my cancer almost every day. He is constantly telling me not to give up. He and his sister even went for a few private consultations for me. They didn't have to do it but I'm ever so grateful they did and he told me the reason why he did that. He said I don't want my best friend to die and Im gonna make sure I do everything I can so that doesn't happen.
My friend Tesni comes to visit wherever I am, driving 2-3 hours to see me for a day . She always says if I need anything she can cancel her day / days to come and stay with me and help me out with whatever I need. I don't even question it at all as I know her well enough to know she would do it. She s been great throughout all of this. Trying to turn negatives into positives in every way she can. I m ever so grateful to have her in my life and call her my friend.
Than there is my best friend Silvi cancer survivor. We ve known each other for 18 years! She listens to all my complains for hours without having a word in our conversation. I sometimes need to vent. I d talk for hours, only later realising that she had not said much for the last 4 hours because I didn't give her a chance ! And she ll stay up late talking to me only to be up again at 5 am to go to long and hard day at work, helping others. However despite of all of that she s still talking to me ! and she is still my dear friend after all those years.
My friend Malcolm who I've known for a long time still writes me a cards and long emails after busy day at work and sends me some of his little favourite things in the post. Music, he believes in music and happiness that it brings. He's even learning to play his saxophone and I must admit he is really good at it. It was very impressive that one day he carried his sax form oxford to London on a public transport just to play it for me and just so I can experience a magical live sound of sax in the privacy of my own home ( well rented flat I shall say. !). He played xmassy song for me and it was truly magical. I felt like a little kid, looking forward to xmas and still believing father christmas exists. I still remember when I was in Oxford he d pop around and say i know you might not feel like a company at the moment but I was passing by and I wanted to drop off some flowers to you. That was so sweet and I ll always remember that.
My friend Bobby who facebooks me every now and than and visits with his girlfriend whenever he can despite of going through tough time himself. We would talk about new technology for ages and when he got unwell share some little life things that only we can understand.
My friend Malcolm who I've known for a long time still writes me a cards and long emails after busy day at work and sends me some of his little favourite things in the post. Music, he believes in music and happiness that it brings. He's even learning to play his saxophone and I must admit he is really good at it. It was very impressive that one day he carried his sax form oxford to London on a public transport just to play it for me and just so I can experience a magical live sound of sax in the privacy of my own home ( well rented flat I shall say. !). He played xmassy song for me and it was truly magical. I felt like a little kid, looking forward to xmas and still believing father christmas exists. I still remember when I was in Oxford he d pop around and say i know you might not feel like a company at the moment but I was passing by and I wanted to drop off some flowers to you. That was so sweet and I ll always remember that.
My friend Bobby who facebooks me every now and than and visits with his girlfriend whenever he can despite of going through tough time himself. We would talk about new technology for ages and when he got unwell share some little life things that only we can understand.
Than my friend Lizzie who texts me every week sometimes even every day of the week. We talk about every day problems, she tells me about the things in her life that make me even for that moment forget about my problems and I'm ever so grateful to her. We talk, we rant, we bitch about life and it's really good old fun. I'm ever so grateful she s in my life.
Monica who when I was re diagnosed again sent me a pic every day of her garden flowers to cheer me up. To make me forget about what I'm going thru. Bought me flowery frequencies to make my room, my flat less prison cell like entrapment.
Juliet great expressive dancer. Reading her messages every day brings me cheers, hope and lightens my day. We talk about deep stuff but it's always so joyful as it makes you look at your life in a completely different way. It's not all doom and gloom after all . Recently she had to make some life changing decision and she managed to turn it all around with her positive out look and Is happy now. It makes me happy to be part of her wonderful life journey,
Patrick who emails me every now and than and not forgetting about me. He talks about his life troubles, I talk about mine. We talk about our "not clear cut past" and its just wonderful. We rant about little things in our lives, I probably talk more than I should but he s great listener and is always giving a new prospective, new look, positivity in life. I still feel included in social things he organises even thought I can't sometimes attend them.
My work friend Rachel who s been so great thru all of this. Texting me to check how I'm doing and saying thinking of you and Luv you at the end of each of her texts.
My friend Farah who reminds me I m still here and not forgotten and to keep going ...along with some of my other work colleagues Kerry, Hetty, Adi ( who by the way gives the best hugs ever !), Bev ... all brilliant people I'm glad I met. Bev I do miss your cakes !
My friend Mark is very good in trying to cheer me up. He creates those super funny and really cool videos that make me giggle a lot. He s got this amazing musical talent. We ve know each other for years now, since our uni days ! And have some fabulous memories from back than
My friend Mark (you tube link of his latest cancer awareness gig):
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0jhE82lRXY8
However I do prefer his older stuff ... just him and his acoustic guitar :-)
My friend Becky who would send flowers my way since my first diagnosis... so lovely to meet her little girl. One very happy and smily kid.
Than my friend Paul who checks on me and my progress. Wishes me well and tells me all about his love story and travels. He is very simple in a good way but yet very cool person and i m glad to call him my friend.
My friend Maria who despite of a long distance between us, all the way from Greece checks on me and keeps asking me how I am. I feel Im terrible friend as I hardly ever remember her birthday, keep on forgetting her son's birthday and all those important things in life ...I can no longer use "chemo brain " as an excuse - just kidding- but she forgives me and still keeps on emailing me and checking on my progress.
Even my ex G another cancer survivor who was shocked to hear about my now terminal prognosis, still keeps in touch and is telling me about his new life and sending words of encouragement my way
Patrick who emails me every now and than and not forgetting about me. He talks about his life troubles, I talk about mine. We talk about our "not clear cut past" and its just wonderful. We rant about little things in our lives, I probably talk more than I should but he s great listener and is always giving a new prospective, new look, positivity in life. I still feel included in social things he organises even thought I can't sometimes attend them.
My work friend Rachel who s been so great thru all of this. Texting me to check how I'm doing and saying thinking of you and Luv you at the end of each of her texts.
My friend Farah who reminds me I m still here and not forgotten and to keep going ...along with some of my other work colleagues Kerry, Hetty, Adi ( who by the way gives the best hugs ever !), Bev ... all brilliant people I'm glad I met. Bev I do miss your cakes !
My friend Mark is very good in trying to cheer me up. He creates those super funny and really cool videos that make me giggle a lot. He s got this amazing musical talent. We ve know each other for years now, since our uni days ! And have some fabulous memories from back than
My friend Mark (you tube link of his latest cancer awareness gig):
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0jhE82lRXY8
However I do prefer his older stuff ... just him and his acoustic guitar :-)
My friend Becky who would send flowers my way since my first diagnosis... so lovely to meet her little girl. One very happy and smily kid.
Than my friend Paul who checks on me and my progress. Wishes me well and tells me all about his love story and travels. He is very simple in a good way but yet very cool person and i m glad to call him my friend.
My friend Maria who despite of a long distance between us, all the way from Greece checks on me and keeps asking me how I am. I feel Im terrible friend as I hardly ever remember her birthday, keep on forgetting her son's birthday and all those important things in life ...I can no longer use "chemo brain " as an excuse - just kidding- but she forgives me and still keeps on emailing me and checking on my progress.
Even my ex G another cancer survivor who was shocked to hear about my now terminal prognosis, still keeps in touch and is telling me about his new life and sending words of encouragement my way
I think its wonderful that people reach out to you in a time of crises, pick you up and give you strength to carry on.
There are many people who walked into my life for no reason. They ve pulled me up in their own way from the bottom, gave me strength to carry on when I was on the verge of giving up and gave me will to carry on. I don't know what I have done to deserve to have such a wonderful people in my life but I know one thing for sure they all touched my life in most wonderful and unpredictable way. They might not even know that. I m so glad I'm surrounded by such a wonderful people around me. Little things in life matter the most. Thanks to my dear friends I now have a lot of great memories to carry around with me so even when a days are so rough I m reminding myself at what a wonderful life I ve had so far surrounded by a people that mean a lot to me.
I just hope I was a good friend to them too and I wish them all health, love and happiness in this world.
And thank goodness for Facebook for keeping me sane and well connected to people in my life. There are so many out there who touched my life with a wonderful messages of support that I've not mentioned here Each one of you and you all know who you are I love you all and I'm ever so grateful to have some truly wonderful souls around me, supporting me.
I'm ever so grateful that you are all part of my life no matter how big or small part that might be
The last but not the least my dear love I've not excluded you from all of this even though I ve been hurt by you in unimaginable sort of way. I don't hate you. We shared some wonderful memories together. It was hard sailing at the times ... I still from time to time listen to our favourite songs even though I ve asked you not to contact me ever again.
'You always hurt the ones you love'
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ANbkNhU4VSY
Thank you my friends
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ANbkNhU4VSY
Thank you my friends
Thank you! I don't know what I would do without you. After a harsh day at work I really am looking forward to a short chat or a text with you. Even thought you are in pain, you are kind and empathetic. You support me with positive thoughts! I am very lucky to have you as a friend :)
ReplyDeleteThank you my dear friend on following me thru this cancer journey and making me feel alive. I appreciate your support too
ReplyDeletex