Time to Start Packing Up !

Yet another devastating blow and punch in the stomach and this time it hurts so much that words can no longer describe it. My head is spinning from all the info I just received from doctors. Well apparently my liver has more than doubled in size and was pressing up on my lungs making it difficult to breathe for me.  At this point they are unsure if I ll be able to have any active treatment apart from pain relief  with morphine and lots of antisickness drugs.
I ve pressed doctor to tell me how long I've got as there are few things I'd like to arrange before I die including my funeral.
However, no one can tell me how long I've got but one of the oncology consultant I've seen mentioned weeks and if I'm lucky  few months. Tone of my doctors voice made me realise how serious situation is. I felt certain coldness in my body rushing thru my veins, my arteries but yet I'm sweating profusely. I've been sweating a lot more in general but this this it's that cold sweat filled with fear.  My liver function is not great but bilirubin  is holding at 4 at the moment so I'm not getting jaundice yet.
At the moment I feel like talking to someone close to me  but I can't. When doctors were here few moments earlier I've tried to see my fast approaching death as liberating so I wouldn't cry in front of them but instead would ask them as many questions as I can. I've asked them how am I gonna die? Is my liver gonna go into failure, will I get a massive bleed internally, will it hurt, etc etc but they cant answer me that. they  left I couldn't wait to have a  massive cry. I feel like crying so much and not stopping. I'm angry and I so much want to snap out of this situation and start running in frustration and crying at the end . I'm in the middle of the ward with open curtains and I don't give a damn who s seeing me cry.
I just wish I had a different news , I wish someone can tell me  you ll be well and you ll live until next year at least. I so despatetely want to live so much . I don't want to let go of this life just yet but unfortunately my body is letting me down . I knew this would happen sooner or later but didn't think it was gonna be this soon. But I should appreciate and treasure each day I live up until my fast approaching death....