My Incredibly Caring Doctors

While I was in the hospital I had some of the most wonderful, supporting, loving emails from my friends and family. One that really got me to the tears was from my clinical trial lady doc. She's always been so supportive and caring. She made me feel like a human being.  She is an excellent clinician with abundance of the knowledge but more than anything she showed a lot of kindness, human compassion and support at the times when I was feeling down and  at my worst. She s been encouraging me to go on and reassuring me while I was in the hospital. She replied to at least 30 emails I ve sent her without the fail ! Saying thank you is never gonna be enough....
Here is something I picked out of her latest email that she kindly allowed me to share with everyone in my blog. This I find to be incredibly true ....

Dear Dani,

I am sorry to hear this and that you have to go through this pain in your life. I have a profound respect for you and for the other people who are carrying so much, and the only thing I can do here is to offer my help and my support as long and as much as I can, hoping this can help a little. But unfortunately it does not. I need to have my believes about life and death and I do believe that there is always a better place and situation waiting for us after we ``go`` and I do believe we don`t actually go, just our body does.. 

I was walking the other day thinking about  the loved people (patients and not) I have seen to go in all of these years and I was thinking: if I can get a flower now as a confirmation that there  is an after life and that  they are now happy and have understood the meaning of all the pain they went through during their life I would be the happiest person in the universe.

Don`t ask how, but after few minuts a flower came to me out of the blue.

There are things we cannot explain scientifically and being a doctor or a scientist does not mean we don`t have to believe and keep our hopes..actually nobody can explain God as well..But we do need to have faith and believe that whatever happens to us and to our loved ones is for a reason that perhaps we don`t understand but we will definitely do one day.

You are not alone, and I am here as always, if you need..

xxxxxx

Dear, 

I was going trough your blog and I was reading..how you have been all of this time, in physically and emotionally pain and the thoughts that crossed your mind. I am sorry, so sorry you had to go though this.

We come here with something to experience, something different for everybody that our souls need at this specific time. I asked so many questions myself trying to get an answer, which I got at the end. I cannot tell you how, but you have to trust me:you will be fine. Only here we are in pain and we experience these kind of terrible emotions starting with fear, the worse one! It is only on this planet, dimension that we are allowed to feel. And our soul wants to know what pain is, what desperation is, what fear is. Is the only way and the only place. And in the mean time we grow and understand and evolve. Yes, going through hell we go to heaven. But please now stop being scared, I promise you that you are going to be happy as never in your life. I believe that the true life is not here, is where we come from, and were we go back after this short or long experience on earth. This is just temporary and we do believe this is the real life. But it is not. You don't remember what is waiting for you, what wonderful happiness and joy is just waiting for you.

It is true, we are sorry for our loved ones who stay here  in pain for the loss they will experience but this is something they have to go through as well. 

All my love and respect is with you,

Always 

xxxxxx


...and than a few days later I received this text message from my Prof as well .....

All I can say, no matter what happens to me in the near future, is that Im truly grateful to have such a wonderful doctors surround me. Doctors who are passionate about their work and truly care about me. I couldnt have asked for a better team to look after me but of course they can't perform miracles (I wish they could ).

This is me with my new short haircut. Tonight I felt unwell, and very sickly but thank goodness for oramorph ! This cancer feels like a one endless, painful, slow death ...but despite of all the pain I still want to live, live for at least a little longer and maybe hope for some miracle to come my way ....