So I didn't get admited to hospital as planned as there was a shortage of beds at my local hospital and instead it was decided that I was to be treated as an outpatient . So this morning I had CT scan and some steroids to help my belly swelling. However, my situation got worse by the afternoon...I felt very short of breath and my resting heart rate was very high above 100 beats per minute. So I was back to A&E yet again under morphine for my overstreched belly pain and very angry that I don't seem to have a break from my fucking illness ( pardon for swearing but I'm extremely angry with my stupid body and illness !). This illness is turning me into one very unpleasant and very angry person that I can't even recognise myself any longer.
Why can't my body let me enjoy life a little bit longer. I m aware how all this will end but why can't I enjoy it all just for a little longer !
My poor mum must be really exhausted with endless hospital stays, luckily her best friend rushed to hospital for a little bit of moral support. I'm so glad she was there for her as after all she is psychologist and who best to support her at this difficult time .....
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