Sunday, the day before my results was not easy. It wasn't so easy as my thoughts were never too far away from what tomorrow could bring for me. However, Im lucky to have some very kind and good old friends around me to lift my moods up just when I need it.
My good old friend from Uni Chung came with his girlfriend to London and he came around to see me. It was so wonderful catching up on our Uni memories. The way we used to study in our medical library, researching thru many sometimes boring books, our good old professors we used to have, and things you only do once in your life and thats when you re a student ! So we had fantastic time catching up and I ve realised how much more those memories actually mean in the bleak days like mine. Im so glad I had those wonderful 5 years of such a great and fun memories.
In the afternoon my friend Maria came to visit with her husband and our old friend from uni. We used to be flatmates at one point in our lives. Again remembering some great times and talking about our current lives was really and truly great. Thank you my good old friend
My friend Malcom sent me a surprise CD. It was just the right timing (it arrived on sunday evening !) and he just seem to know what I need ...
I love a little bit of the Marvin .... awww good old Marvin. I enjoyed it on repeat in the evening to get my mind off the things. So soft and subtle ... and yes Whats Going On?
Monday was when I went in for my results. While I was waiting in the hospital waiting room I felt awful. That morning my back pain was really bad. Its my mild degenerative spine disease that was the problems or at least thats what I ve been told.
I didn't bring papers or book with me and certainly wasn't interested watching a TV with subtitles while waiting but instead I sat and enjoyed people watching. I found it very difficult to sit in a pain free position so I wiggled a lot.
I didn't know what kind of news to expect - the worst I though ! At one point I felt like crying ... I was doing everything i can ... not to think about my results. Seated around me, there was a huge mix of people, old, young, hair, no hair, wigs but they all sat there waiting patiently for their next news to come. Faces of those people were full of fear and uncertainties. Some couples were holding hands as to say it will be ok and the others were bored in the way. I can't imagine they did not worry! They probably had a better coping mechanisms than some of us.
I was called in. My lovely young oncologist on rotation called my name. At first I found it difficult to stand up due to pain but I pushed thru and rushed in. Walking into consultation room nearly made me cry. I think subconsciously I ve prepared myself for the worst and I honestly thought the moment he tells me its not a good news Id burst into tears.
How do I tell my poor old mum about my results? How will she react? She lives in a constant hope. Hope that one day they will develop medications that might prolong my life, not necessarily cure me but make my life longer and with least amount of suffering.
So I came in and sat down. He told me there were some good news. In my mind I was immediately thinking whats the bad news?
So my bone scan was ok. No problems with it. Little patch on the right side but it was excluded from the ribs. Might be a liver tumour showing thru. So this is my scan:
Those scans are funny in way. They make me look like a chipmunk !
My CT scan was also a little bit encouraging as well:
So over all I was given some relatively good news. My cancer seems stable, hooray ! No chemo for the next 3 months, until my next scan :-)
Unfortunately, I was in too much pain from my spine to be happy about my results.
So for now I ll be on Zoladex and Letrozole along with my monthly Denusemab.
I know eventually my cancer will start spreading and I know treatments above might not work as well and I could be on chemo in no time again but for now I ve got two choices:
1. Worry about my cancer spreading further each day or
2. Enjoy my few months of "freedom"
Guess what Im gonna choose ?!
Enjoying my local Thames beach !
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