An Update on Clinical Trial

Ok you can call me crazy but aside from watching comedies I recently discovered I like watching cancer movies too ! Actually, I ve seen one today in the cinema called The Fault in Our Stars. Its a teenage cancer movie about boy meets girl at cancer support group, romance develops, etc etc ... don't want to spoil it for you if by any chance you want to see it. Its amazing how grown up, funny yet serious movie was. No matter how old,  it seems like we all share some of the same things us cancer people +/- life experience. One the things that was mentioned in the movie was " depression is side effect of dying". Something that at the times I can truly associate with. If you see it be prepared to have tissues too !
Some of us tend to cut contacts with some people close to us in order to protect them from emotional pain in case we die. In the movie they called it and I quote " Im a grenade and its my responsibility to minimise the casualties". This is so true in some of the cases. However, we are all different in a way we deal with difficult life stuff, cancer or no cancer.

Today was also my appointment with oncology and I ve seen my lovely doc Jason. We had a chat about my treatment and also about officially including DNR (do not resuscitate ) in my file. Its a difficult conversation to have when you re having to compose yourself when actually all you want do is to cry so much when you talk about it.  Prof came to say hello too, gave me a big hug and reassured me that he s been hearing a lot of positive things about this trial. I still hope I get in, fingers crossed !

I decided to go wild and spoil myself with a big juicy burger today after my oncology appointment.  Oh it was so so tasty .... and yes my dear friend Malcolm I did have a burger today ! :) I thoroughly enjoy it.

Also I ve heard from a clinical trial people as well and this is the plan so far:

Tuesday 

1230 -  to see the nurses for blood pressure, blood test, weight, height, ecg etc (will take +- 45 mins)

1500 for 1530 CT scan of chest abdomen pelvis and head (more needles ! oh dear)

Thursday 

Have a biopsy.  Biopsies usually take most of the day as they expect you there at 0900 and will do assessment pre and observe you for a few hours post. 

Oouch ! Im really not looking forward to this one !! This one is usually the painful one !

Than: 

"Once all the screening procedures and biopsy are completed 

our Drs will review all findings and the sponsor will give us a final Go Ahead

to start treatment.  Your research nurse will call to confirm that we have 

received Go Ahead"

So providing everything goes well,  my tests are favourable and my liver / my cancer behaves I ll be starting treatment mid next week. 

I can't say that Im not afraid. Im so ( and I want to swear !) so afraid of starting this trial. I have no idea what other inclusion / exclusion things they re looking for in the trial. I have no idea if I ll be included in this trial yet. Also if i get included I'm really scared of how I will react to this drug. 

However, I do know I still have a few treatment free days to enjoy in this life and luckily weather has been on my side too. I also bought a new book today called Life after Life that one of my friends recommended so I ll give it a try reading it. 

So my dear friends ....

"Think about all the beauty that surrounds you and 

be happy"